Everyone has an "idea" of what a husband and a wife should be. Most of this idea that we have is buried in our subconscious, however it is very involved in how we function in our relationships. For example, if someone asked you "what do you want in a wife/husband," you would be able to give them a list based on what you can think of at the time. However, there are many things that you do not list because your subconscious idea of a spouse has convinced you that those things are basic and everyone has those qualities or traits. Let me be clear in saying that you are not aware that you are assuming these things are constants in every potential mate. When someone meets the criteria of your list, you automatically assume that everything else is in there as well.
Let me try to make it a little more clear. When you walk to your car from the grocery store and you see a man in a suit, your subconscious mind is constantly making all kinds of assumptions that you have no knowledge of and you simply operate based on those assumptions. You don't run from the man because you assume he is not a serial killer. Or perhaps what would be more accurate is to say that he has not done anything to make you turn off your automatic assumption that he is not a serial killer. If you find out he is a serial killer you are shocked. In contrast, you are not shocked if the man simply smiles at you and speaks. This is called "being human." All of us do it. If our subconscious did not make certain assumptions all of the time then we would not be able to function.
Now, back to the "idea" of a spouse. We almost always marry the idea of our spouse instead of who they actually are. This is why conflict arises because we are thinking "that's not how MY husband behaves." Of course you may not say that literally, but your frustration with your husband says it. He did not pick up his clothes on the floor. In your idea of a husband, not cleaning up after himself was not in there. But instead of saying, "oh he's not the kind of person to clean up the way I do and that is ok," you become upset that he is not doing what you want him to do, and you want this based on your "idea" of a husband. If they do not fit into our idea that was created before they ever showed up then we cannot give them the label of a "good husband/wife."
The reason I have a job is because people stay married to their idea of who their spouse should be instead of letting them be who they really are and then being ok with that. Perhaps in our fallen nature it is not possible to completely accept someone so different from us. However, this only means that we should never stop growing to the place where can accept our mate for who they are and not be upset because they are not who we want them to be. It is "normal" to have an idea of the kind of spouse we want, however the idea is completely, 100% self-centered. The idea is based on what we want and need only, which is why we have a hard time letting it go. Letting go of the idea means letting go of the dream of having a spouse that will "do that" or "be that." "I don't want to give up the dream of my husband greeting me with flowers once a week. I don't want to give up the dream of my wife laughing at my jokes." We have convinced ourselves that what we want is what we should have and we have committed to not settling for less. So why did we marry who we married? Because we assumed that they were EVERYTHING our idea said they would be.
So, perhaps we should work on divorcing our idea of a spouse so that we can be happily married to our actual spouse.