Being in love is a wonderful thing. We feel most alive as humans when we are giving and receiving love. The reason that our fairytales end with "happily ever after" is because we all want and expect love to be the best thing we have ever experienced, and it should be. However, when we are longing for love and hoping to find that one great connection, we do not consider the cost of having that deep love. Unlike fairytale, "happily ever after" is not a constant but rather a condition. Happily ever after means happy forever after...after what? In my previous post I told about happiness coming after pride has been dealt with. I encourage you to check that one out as well.

The Joy of Love

Luther Vandross and Gregory Hines had a song called "Nothing Better Than Love." The chorus says "I wanna be loved. There's nothing better than love, what in the world could you ever be thinking of. It's better by far, so let yourself reach for that star and go, no matter how far, to the one you love." If you are old school like me then I know you are still singing in your head, and probably will pull it up on youtube after you finish this. Luther said, "And I mean all these words Ive said, and you don't have to wonder whats going on inside my head." Honestly I want to go ahead and quote all of the lyrics because I love the song, but also because it drives home the point of how great and amazing love can be. When you are the apple of someone's eye and they do things to let you know that, it fills you up like nothing else. When you have feelings of not being good enough and they still give love that comforts, you feel overjoyed. There's nothing better than love.

The Burden of Love

If we are honestly, to make Luther Vandross' song true, it would say there's nothing better than "being" loved. Love is amazing when you receive it. But the long we have for love quickly diminishes when we are required to give it back. I'm not talking about loving when things are good. I'm talking about loving when they are acting in a way you do not want them to act. When they are mean, hurtful, inconsiderate, disrespectful, prideful, neglectful, immature, careless, and the list can go on...can you show love then? The truth is, difficulty is the true test of love. Love is a burden. We do not think of it as a burden we are longing for it because we are not thinking about giving. Isn't it interesting that on your wedding day you vow "for better or worse" and then when worse shows up you are ready to jump ship? What did you think "worse" looked like?

Love Actually

The beauty of love is actually in the conflict. There are so many analogies in life we could use. Just like gold is not pure until it has gone thru the refining fire and all the impurities are burned away, so is Love only pure when YOU have gone thru the refining for of having your price burned away. And just like a diamond can never be a diamond without pressure, your love can never be solid without pressure. The purpose of the pressure is not to crush, but you make you more like your Creator who loves at all times. When you fall short, He loves. When you willfully ignore him, He loves. When you do not listen to Him, he still loves. Jesus once said if you love those who love you then what good is that? Love your enemies so you can be like your father in heaven. While your spouse is not your enemy (although I know it feels like it sometimes), the idea is that if you only love when it "feels" good or when they are doing what you like then what good is that? Everybody does that. But loving your mate when they are being the flawed human that they are and their flaws irritate and frustrate you to no end is not easy at all.

The Hope of Love

Hope is the "expectation of something good." While most do not come to marriage loving this way, there is hope that one day you will love at the deepest level. Love is not about how you feel. If it were then God would not have commanded it because you cannot command feelings. Love is choice and that choice has to be more about the person you are loving than you. You can experience a deeper love if you focus on being a better lover instead of having a better lover.