Be Kind Even When You Do Not Agree

I've told you that "Love Is Not Blind, But Anger Is." I have also told you that you need to "Be A Conscious Partner." Today's tip goes with those two. I can sum up all three this way: In order to be kind to your partner, even when you do not agree, you must become a conscious partner because anger can temporarily blind you to the reality that you are still lovers. When you are a conscious partner, you are intentional with your love, instead of being led by your emotions.

Remember, your spouse is a part of the same marriage as you. That means that you cannot hurt them without hurting the marriage that you are apart of. So many times I've had to hold my tongue because I knew that the "snappy" thing that I wanted to say would have only made things worse and created more cleanup work for us both. But I can only be kind in those moments if:

  1. I am committed to living a life of humility. Without making this commitment first, nothing else will work.
  2. I make a conscious decision that I am going to treat my wife with love and respect, no matter what.
  3. I care more about my wife than how I am feeling in the moment.
  4. I remember that she is MY wife. No matter how wrong, annoying, out of line, or unGodly I may think she is, she's still my wife, not my enemy.
  5. I have deactivated any triggers from childhood that would make me loving my wife extra difficult when she is being a regular, flawed human being.

Here's what Romans 12: 9-10, 17-18 says: "Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never pay back even with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone."

Now here it is rewritten for your marriage: "Don't just pretend to love your spouse. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love them with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring them even when they get on your reserve nerve. Never do tit for tat. Handle them in such a way that everyone in the house can see you are honorable. Do all you can to live in peace with your spouse."