Every human being has an internal dictionary and they are all different.Your internal dictionary is how you define life. It is made up of your experiences, hurts, joys, childhood, past relationships, etc. This is the reason that it is SO easy to misunderstand each other and not even know it.

If you are going to have a successful marriage then you will need to understand that you don't see what you think you see, and you do not know what you think you know. So often one partner will tell the other partner how they feel and what they think, instead of asking what their behavior or words mean. For example, if the husband is always late, the wife may conclude the he doesn't care about being on time. But unless she asks her husband, she will likely misunderstand what his lateness means.

What Does It Mean?

Nothing in life matters (and I mean NOTHING) until you give it meaning. The meaning you give it will be based on your own internal dictionary. Going back to the previous example, if the meaning that the wife gives the husband's lateness is "he's intentionally trying to annoy me," she's going to interact with that belief a certain way. If she determines it means, "that's just who he is and its not a big deal," she will interact with that belief a certain way.

This is why you should not take so many things personal. Yes, there may be a negative behavior that you do not like, but your partner's negative behavior is not about you. Seek to understand them as opposed to trying to make them agree with you about their negative behavior. Perhaps they do need to change. But maybe they need more compassion from you in order to change.

Your partner was not raised to be the spouse you need. You do not have to accept unacceptable behavior, but you do need to understand it. They may be doing it TO you but it not ABOUT you. You gaining a deeper understanding will facilitate more love and compassion.

Seek understanding.