One of the things that I see over and over in my male clients is their lack of understanding of how relationships work and what love really is. I see it women also, but more so with men. Women, from the time they are girls, are kind of groomed for relationships...or at least it used to be that way. Men, however, are groomed to be tough, to be providers and even protectors but education about how to be successful at relating to women is not directly taught. I believe it should be because relationships are the essence of life. Relationships are the most important thing and yet we leave it to chance and the media to teach men how to be relational.

Most men go through life trying to figure out relationships via trial and error. Being a "good man" does not equate to relational IQ. Men are typically not taught how to share their softer emotions so their needs often go unmet because they are incorrectly expressed through anger or not expressed at all. We all know that just because a need goes unexpressed does not mean that the need goes away. With marriages and families being in such a deplorable state, men have no good models on which to base their idea of marriage and manhood. So they either try to do something completely opposite of the dysfunction they grew up in, making it up as they go or they repeat the dysfunction they saw, continuing the pathological pattern of broken marriages and families. Again, women do grow up in these dysfunctional homes as well and are susceptible to some of the same dangers, however I believe the damage done to men is more critical because it is harder to correct.

So what do we do? We must Learn to Love. That is actually the basic principle of this site. (Love is a wide umbrella that I am using to describe every aspect of what it takes to be successful at relationships). When I see couples it does not take long to notice that they simply do not know how to do what they have committed themselves to do. What is usually also apparent fairly quickly is the man's counter-productive relational mindset. So I spend time with the men unpacking all of the baggage they've been carrying, usually from childhood and I introduce useful tools and knowledge that will change the direction of the relationship. When the man is on track then it is easier to get the woman on track. Yes, I am a traditionalist in that I believe the man is the head of the household. But most men have little to no idea of how to lead a wife or family. My goal is to restore the structure that the originator of marriage (God) intended and that restoration has to start with the man.