Creating Attention Seekers
We live in a world where everyone seems to be seeking attention. Social media has gotten out of control all because so many people are seeking attention. What you may not know is that attention seeking is actually "love seeking." This is most often a childhood deficiency that shows up in adulthood as selfishness, self-absorbed or needy. Attention seeking is dangerous because it opens the door for emotional exploitation. Adults seeking attention trying to feel special are looking outside of themselves for validation because not enough deposits were made on the inside to know their value. This is called "other-esteem" instead of "self-esteem." But what can we as parents do to help our child(ren) grow up to be emotionally intelligent adults who know how to esteem themselves?
The answer is simple and yet so many parents fail to do it. Here it is: Love them unconditionally and intentionally. Simple, right? I'm sure most think that this is what they do anyway, but they miss important signs that their child is seeking love from them. If a child is SEEKING love then it means that somewhere they got the sense that love was deficient.
If you notice your child(ren) doing things to get your attention and trying to prove to you that they are special then that is a red flag. Stop them immediately and let them know that they are special just because they are. If they feel they have to prove to you that they are "amazing" then it could mean that they don't get that message from you automatically. It is fine to reward good behavior, but too often parents will withhold love when the child exhibits bad behavior. That's because parents haven't learned the difference between love and privilege.
Love should ALWAYS be unconditional. Privileges are not unconditional. Parents must work at discipling their child while at the same time making sure that child knows that they are loved. Providing food, shelter, and clothes are not enough. As adults we may think they should "just know" based on all we do for them, but children do not process the world that way. That's why your love has to be intentional. If you would like more about the subject of intentionally loving your child then email me at clifton@learntlove101.com