When you decided to get married, what did you expect? What beliefs did you have that turned out to be different than your reality? Did you know that NOBODY marries the person they think they married? You may be shocked by that but it is true.
The thing about your expectations when it comes to marriage is that most of them, if not all of them, are based on thoughts and desires you had before you ever met your partner. Think about that. Your idea of a husband or wife was already formed when you met the person you married. That means that your ideas about a spouse were not created with your current spouse in mind. No one on the planet, including your current spouse, can fit into your "spouse idea box" that you created in your head. By default that makes it unrealistic...fantasy.
Your "Spouse Fantasy" automatically creates unrealistic expectations, most of which you never speak. The reason it is important to explore your expectations is because your level of frustration will match your level of unmet expectations. Without a better understanding, you will blame your partner for you unmet expectations that they never agreed to meet.
Example: I recently discovered that my wife had a fantasy that her husband would take care of the maintenance of her car like she imagined. What she did not know is that the husband she chose has had 11 (ELEVEN) cars of his own and the current one is the first one that he has consistently gotten the oil changed.
What you may think is common sense is only common because you learned it. The question is, did your spouse learn it? Did they learn it the way you learned it? Did learning it impact them the way it did you?
*NEWS FLASH*
YOUR PARTNER WAS NOT RAISED TO BE THE SPOUSE YOU NEED
The reason you want to manage your expectations is because they are yours. You are the one who suffers when they are not met. I'm not saying do not have expectations. I'm saying to communicate them with your partner and then you both agree on them. The only expectations that truly matter in the marriage are the ones you both agree on.
If you are going to have a successful marriage, you will have to divorce the fantasy in your head so that you can learn to love the stranger in your bed.
Stay tuned for tomorrow...