You may not realize it, but when your marriage feels like it is not the place to be, it is NOT because you are fighting, can't communicate, not having enough sex, don't agree on the kids or whatever else you can think of. When your marriage is upside down it is because you guys are disconnected.

Disconnection can be momentary or it can be long term. Either way, when disconnection shows up, the marriage is sick. When your marriage is sick due to disconnection, every problem feels worse. The thing I want you to realize is this...how you feel about anything in your life is based on the lens through which you look at it.

For example, how you would feel about totaling your brand new car depends on the lens through which you view the accident. One person looks through the lens of "I just bought this car! now I have to pay all this money to get it fixed." This lens causes frustration anger and anxiety. But another person looks through the lens of, "I could have died. I'm grateful that I survived." This lens causes gratefulness and appreciation.

In your marriage, you must protect the connection between you. On this planet, Life Happens! What I mean by that is, nothing is perfect. Your partner is going to upset you. Disconnection will cause you to see things worse than what they are, which cause you to feel worse than you normally would, which will cause your behavior and attitude to be unloving.

If you want to have a successful marriage, you have to protect your connection at all costs. If you do not already have the skills then you need to develop the skills to create connection between you. EVERYTHING is better when you guys are connected. When you laugh, it is magnified. When you disagree it is overcome quicker. Good times are better and hard times are easier. We humans thrive when we are well connected!